


The Beginning

by heartstone



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Ainulindalë, Analysis, And To Cope Becomes Too Self-Confident, Angst, Creation Myth, F/M, Gen, M/M, Melkor Has Zero Self-Confidence, if that makes sense, of sorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 23:50:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13352091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartstone/pseuds/heartstone
Summary: In the beginning there was Eru, the One, who in Arda is called Ilúvatar, and He contained within Himself all of Eä before aught else was made, and had with Him His thoughts only. He was Cosmos, and enthroned in the vastness of Chaos He sat, and with His far-reaching hand He caressed the unending emptiness that surrounded Him and found that with His tentative touch there came a Theme.***When Melkor flees into the Void, the first of the Maiar is born.





	The Beginning

In the beginning there was Eru, the One, who in Arda is called Ilúvatar, and He contained within Himself all of Eä before aught else was made, and had with Him His thoughts only. He was Cosmos, and enthroned in the vastness of Chaos He sat, and with His far-reaching hand He caressed the unending emptiness that surrounded Him and found that with His tentative touch there came a Theme.

And with this new Theme His very thoughts were transmuted into substance, and Eru ordered all and found that Chaos stretched and arched to greet His touch and when He plucked at the spacetime around Him it created different humming notes. And among these notes were radiation and pressure, gravity and force, matter and energy: and for a while He was glad.

Eons passed by unnoticed to Eru, He who is the Cosmos. And with time came the ordering of Chaos and Space and with it, Eru saw that His thought formed and was nurtured into a new being which He gave a name. He saw that it was called Change, and He guided it through its tumultuous infancy. For Change started as a tensing of Chaos and the distortion of spacetime, and because of this was as much nurtured by Himself as it was the surrounding Void of Chaos.

_Fetal Change: He whose parents are Eru and Void._

Change began as a small, dense orb, a lead weight within the thin fabric of Chaos that was cocooned and shielded, a compact mass of nothingness that pulled all within its event horizon in the greed of a hungry child, but one which sought comfort. And so it was that Change grew quickly under the nurturing of Eru Ilúvatar and the womb of Chaos, and He was glad, and when Change came to first consciousness, Eru hesitated only a moment at His creation, stunned by the awakening of something within _and yet other_ than Himself.

When Change itself awoke, and found that it was amidst an unfaltering, absolute darkness- a gaping chasm of nothingness that swallowed all around the senses- it did not at first perceive Eru, for He was in awe of His creation. And as Change throbbed and bleakly realized His own life, coming to first consciousness, it saw first only the darkness that was Chaos and perceived that it was akin, and called it the Void-Mother.

But Change was a blank slate, _tabula rasa,_ and within the infinite nothingness came the first Theme that was _not_ of the Cosmos, and it was the sound of a newborn, and His cries rippled through spacetime, and they sent pulse-waves of need across the nothingness, and it was at this Great Theme that Eru answered, and with one caress Change saw the vastness that was everything, and all it encompassed, and with this touch, Change had a part in all the Powers and Knowledge of the One. _Nothing could remain the same: everything was subject to Change._

Yet, with the birthing of Change came another not from Cosmos and Chaos, but from Eru’s own awareness that His creation held within a glimmering transcendence that was Eä- that was Life _to be._ And from this realization came into being the twin of Change: Creation.

Creation was made in His Father’s image, and He was a brilliant white vapour, an addition of all spectrums and all matter and energy, and when its wispy features formed and stood afore Eru, Creation beheld His brother and His Father and all were glad and rejoiced.

Slowly brothers Change and Creation became more acutely aware of their existence and realized that they had thoughts and identities of their own and they stumbled over their own senses. For a while they sat together, only _to be,_ thinking their own thoughts and perceiving the world around them slowly, cautiously, as a toddler would do.

And Change felt the comfort of Cosmos, and Eru at last turned after countless, timeless ages and said to His firstborn: “Thou art named Belekôrôz, and thou art Change.” And Change nodded, for He knew from His Father’s divine touch that it was so, and though He was uncertain of its meaning, He trusted His heavenly Father and was glad.

Eru turned to His brother and said to Him, “Thou art named Mānawenūz, and thou art Creation.” And Creation nodded, but He was tentative and pensive, and looked deep within Himself and found that this was the truth- that He _was_ Creation, and He nodded in understanding and was glad.

The two brothers, Belekôrôz and Mānawenūz watched as their Father turned to the Void and propounded to it that there should be a Firmament, and there was, and from within the Firmament came the Heavens, and within the Heavens there came to be known the Timeless Halls, nebulae of all infant matter and swirling energy, a conglomerate mass of potential. And the two brothers sang with Eru before aught else was made and their voices were of the Cosmos, of Change and Creation.

And their Father guided the purest, holiest of light that was a piercing beacon in the Void and it swirled in a nacreous mass of colour- a beam of white light before its fracturing in a prism. And to Her Eru gave different thoughts and ideas and to Her He said, “Thou art Barâdâz, and thou art Light.”

Then there was Ullubōz, who was Liquid Matter; and Aȝūlēz, who was Solid Matter; and Aya-Banâz, who was Life, sister to Wána who was Beauty. And there was Arōmēz, who was Sustenance, and His sister Neššai who was Youth; and Tulukhastâz who was Strength; and Ezedêz, who was Rest. And there was Niyennâz, who was Empathy, and Her twin brothers Irimôz and Mâna-Dostôz- Sleep and Death; and then there was Wiyarêz, who was Fate.

And there were many more besides- an infinite number of spirits- each one a brilliant flame in the backdrop of the Void. And to the delight of Eru and Creation they each sang only alone as they learned to accept their names and identities, and as they looked on all of their kin arrayed around their Father they were glad.

But for the first time, Change was not.

Change felt a Theme within Him that was new and unpleasant, and within Him it steadily grew and grew like He Himself had grown long ago. For each of the Ainur before Him- as they had become to be called by Eru- was as a bright flame in the darkness. Light they were, a glistering aster of pure energy. He perceived each as beautiful and unique and each He knew akin to Him, but when He looked down at Himself He saw that they were not so much akin to Him as Eru or Mānawenūz, who was much in the image of their Father.

Belekôrôz heard a new Theme within Himself and immediately He knew its name: it was a yearning ache, what He felt was Desire, Desire to be alike His kin. For He was a shroud of shadows in the darkness and He did not hold within Himself the same resplendence, a shimmering brilliance of soul. He was dark and large and distorted the spacetime around Him, and resembled most the Void-Mother in which He first laid eye on when He was born.

And Belekôrôz saw that the others had begun to sing but a few together and He remained silent and watched the spirits commune each with the other and new Themes came to Him: there was confusion and fear, anxiety and shame, and powerlessness and isolation. Each one came to Him as He watched and yet, He remained silent, brooding in His thoughts.

He was not alike to them, not as Mānawenūz was. Why was He so different, so separate from all the spirits of His kin? Why was He so alike the Void and not of the Firmament?

From within these thoughts He stayed and as He looked on so often, when the formation of His kin slowed and stopped Belekôrôz saw that the rest had turned and hearkened to Him, for each comprehended only the part of the mind of Ilúvatar from which they came, and in the understanding of their brethren they grew but slowly. But Change had a part of each of the Ainur- for He was so gifted by Eru- and when He sang His Theme of fear and shame and isolation and a complexity of emotion too mature for them to comprehend in their early stage of development, Belekôrôz found only a deepening of this rift between them and Him- not even Mānawenūz understood His Theme and Barâdâz, whom He coveted for Her light, turned away from Him, for She loved not His song, but delighted in Mānawenūz's Theme.

In a deep-seated shame and fear that crippled Him, Belekôrôz who was Change turned and fled into the endless pitch of the Void to nurse His thoughts of inferiority, of ugliness and difference with such songs as rage and envy, pride and domination. Resentment and a seed of hatred grew in Him against His brother- for Creation that first He loved- and His Father who made Him as He was. Yet, when He left, each of the Ainur looked on in confusion and did not understand, but all turned to Eru when He once more began to sing.

Cosmos looked on as Belekôrôz fled into the darkness, as He was just about to propound to the Ainur a Lesser Being, and as He saw the retreating shade, He thought of His fatal hesitancy when looking down at His first creation, Change, and from Him came the first of the Lesser Ainur, he who was a golden flame that held within him the resplendence of the Imperishable Flame, but contained within his inferno concern about the fleeing shadow, whom Eru loved.

And this Lesser Ainur Eru perceived to have the qualities in which He did not articulate to Change and yet wished to give, and when He looked down onto the newly-conscious spirit He smiled and was glad, and He said to him: “Thou art Mayazônôz, and thou art Order.”

When Mayazônôz felt that this was true and looked onto the rest of the Ainur, he was glad. But within himself he felt that there was something vital missing, something in the far-distant Void that called out to him- a hum of energy and whispering fervency that he would one day come to love.

**Author's Note:**

> Valarin names come from the tumblr Valarin Ventures: credit to them for those names!  
> I'd love to know what you think!  
> ***


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